I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
