I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
