i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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