I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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