Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
