this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
