where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
