i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
