the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
