Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
