Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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