I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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