A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
