I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
