Define "chronic" masturbator.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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