and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just high enough for therapy.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
