Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
