She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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