I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
