Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
