i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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