his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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