You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sorry about my life...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
