he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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