Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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