its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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