my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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