I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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