I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
