I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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