ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
