Grow some girl-balls and come out already
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
