I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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