So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
