so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
