NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
