some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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