Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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