just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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