guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I want to make a zoo with you.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Randomize
