I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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