Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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