it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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