can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
