just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
