plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
