I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
