sarcasm needs its own font
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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