it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
