can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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