I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
