this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
