I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
